66. December 3

For the past couple weeks, I've been helping out with the opening and closing some cold frames here on campus.

They are sort of like mini greenhouses; boxes of soil with glass lids that need to be opened in the morning and shut at night. It's kind of fun to finally start seeing growth, the green push its way out of the dark soil. Nobody told these little plants it's winter, so they just keep growing.

I had the chance to attend an open mic night tonight, where a few friends performed (and did awesome). I'm not one prone to stage fright, but I'm also not one to ever put myself out there like that. I really admire it.

Sometimes, I think I play life a little too safe. Sometimes, I wish I was more like the plants in the cold frame or the performers on stage--both willing to stick their necks out in the cold, not knowing the outcome.

There is too much of life you miss out on for the sake of staying comfortable.

"Fate loves a rebel."

~ Arabian proverb

65. December 2

Dear reader,

I promise the entire month of December will not be all Christmas posts.... just most of it.

12 days away from moving home.

Today I began a new journal, perhaps preceded by, oh, a dozen others I've filled in the last four years.

Each journal kind of marks a new chapter for me, and this new journal, falling twelve days before a move back home, will certainly see me through many a change.

I just wonder what events will fill its pages.

It was also the last day of a few classes here at the university. I'm starting to feel a little melancholy about leaving this beautiful place.

Jordan (I think I previously referred to him as Mr. H, sorry, I get my characters confused), and I wrote St. Nick tonight. I asked the jolly old man for three things; a good job to see me through the rest of college, money to see me through the next semester, and a first edition copy of Little Women to see me through life. Why not dream big? Well St. Nick, that's not all I'd like for Christmas.

Dear Santa Claus,

Merry Christmas, Santa Claus. I'll admit, I haven't been the best girl I could be this year. I have been blunt, foolish, hasty, unkind, and lazy all in the last year at least once, if not many, many times. But I'm trying to be better. And I've got a few things I hope you don't mind me asking for. Will you please simply to assure me that whatever is coming next is going to be beautiful? It would be especially nice if you could give me a glimpse of what's in store, perhaps just let me read the last page of this current journal. Will you also help me decide what it is I want out of life? Santa, if there is a career out there for me, will you drop a few big hints in my path as to what it is? Will you kindly give me the confidence to know that I can handle whatever is coming next? I know this is a lot to ask for, so if it's too much, the first thing I asked for, the assurance of beauty in things to come, would be great. And, maybe, you can help me be a better girl for next year. Thanks Santa.

Merry Christmas.

Love,

A believer

What's on your Christmas list this year, dear reader?

Sorry, this picture isn't the best (you can kind of see the camera), but I do so love Christmas trees. I promise you prettier pictures to come. My family had best have their tree up for the season. I can't wait to see it when I come home.

Don't feel left out, reader, but there are some days where the quote and picture I share with you is different from the one I keep for myself. Sometimes that may be because the picture is blurry or the quote is long. Other times, things are personal or unexplainable. And tonight, I'm just plain finicky. I don't know why you need to know that. I just think I should be upfront with you.

Anaïs Nin has some amazing quotes. Google her. I could give you quotes upon quotes of hers that have powerfully struck me, tonight or at some other point in life. But for tonight, just one.

"There is not one big cosmic meaning for all; there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person."
— Anaïs Nin

45. November 12

Four Items of No Real Connection

and a Picture That Is Kind of Bland and Unconnected to Any of the Four Items.

In other words, a Thursday.

1. Sunny Skies. Thank goodness it was blue sky day. I didn't want to have to face yet another rainy day. The rain just depresses me.
2. 1982. I found a penny today, face up, year 1982. A little later, I was pulling laundry out of the dryer and a penny tumbled out, year 1982. I thought that was a little odd, because I remember checking my pockets for change before doing the wash. The clothes weren't quite dry, so I put the clothes back in for another ten minutes. When I pulled them out again, I found yet another penny, year 1982. Strange? Yeah, just a little. I now have three pennies, 1982, just chilling on my windowsill.
   
3. Possible career considerations. And rejuvenation in academic pursuits. A rejuvenation in life in general. A feeling like, hey I have the potential to be more than I am! I've known this, I think we all know we could be more. But its not only that, its also that I have the power and the will to live up to this potential! Hooray! Its the strangest and most refreshing of wake up calls.
   
4. The apartment has a new fish. Name? Dimitri. He will be joining the fish already in residence, Damon II. Damon I suffered death. Voltaire also didn't last long. 

"We need to find out what it is we're afraid of, and go beyond. [...]

If you don't go out and do you'll remain forever fearful of the workings of the world."

~ Colette Dowling, The Cinderella Complex: Women's Hidden Fear of Independence

(No Mother I'm not becoming a raging feminist...)